What is Trust?

What is Trust?


If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream and not make dreams your master;
If you can think and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same.

—Rudyard Kipling

There has been a lot of talk lately about not being able to trust. We all have our reasons (and they are all good ones). Often times the advice given is that you simply have to trust again. Although that is true, it does not point to the direction in which to do this. It is missing the HOW.

How does one learn to trust again? That indeed is a great question. First we must look at what trust is. I think we all have the same general idea of what is trust – it is a perception of honesty, competence and similar values. It is reliance on another. The person you are trusting must fulfill your ethical ideas. And the very first people we learn to trust are our parents. And if we perceive that they failed us in anyway, we become stuck in a pattern of mistrust that is very hard to break.

Now consider this. You can’t trust anyone.

To some this may be a shock for it may come across as deeply cynical. To others they roll their eyes and say ‘No kidding. Brilliant. Did you come up with that all on your own?’ So let’s look at that statement, but not in any cynical way – I have no desire to fuel the negativity surrounding trust or to be pessimistic.

Even the most trustworthy person on the planet will have a bad day. And in a particular moment that person can easily snap at you and say or do something that causes you to distrust them. Depending on the person you may still trust them, and forgive them, but still they have betrayed your trust according to our definition. Others we clearly know we can’t trust (certain government officials, certain lawyers and certain co-workers). In the end what it comes down to is that at some point at some time, someone will betray your trust because trust is a very personal idea. Your own idea and it will be broken.

Some will say you must trust, or put your faith in God. But this does not work for everyone, because there are many people out there who think God is the one who has betrayed their trust. And if this does work for you, don’t mess with it. Keep trusting in God.

Now that I’ve sent everyone into depressing despair, consider this:


The only person you can trust is yourself.

In any given situation, at any given time, you are the common thread. You are the only constant. You are the only one you can trust. And the beauty of this is that it gets everyone else off the hook. You no longer need to judge them for not acting accordingly. You no longer need to throw stones at them for what you perceive as betrayal. In any given situation, you can trust yourself to deal with the situation. You can trust yourself to know what to say, or what not to say. You can trust yourself to not take things personally. By trusting yourself this allows people to be who they are without judgment or even preconceived notions on how you think they should act. It suggests an understanding that their betrayal, their selfishness is their issue. Not yours.

Understand that people will act in ways that you will call selfish, or rude, or a multitude of other ways. The key, the trick, here is to understand that you can trust yourself that you will be okay. No matter what. Obviously you too will betray your own trust. This is idea of trust, trust in yourself and not others, is a lifelong work in progress.

And the only way to trust yourself is to practice it. Remove your expectations of others and ALLOW yourself to trust YOU. In the face of greatest danger, in the face of greatest fear – trust yourself.

Here is a great definition of Trust I found:

To allow without fear.

I would like to leave you with the lyrics to a song by Blue Rodeo, aptly titled ‘Trust Yourself’

someday soon
and I don't know when
your little world
will come crashing in
don't think twice
I'll be around
turn your back
someone's gonna let you down
you know that it's true
nobody led you on
they left that to you
now you'll be alone
when the sun comes up
with your tattered little dreams
and a broken cup
then you'll have to
trust yourself
and don't believe in anymore lies

you waste your time
think too much
really make a mess
of the things you touch
poor little bird
with a broken wing
better look around now
you know your losing everything
it's just a game
thought you had it all lined up
but somehow that's changed
now you'll have to run
and not get caught
and you'll have to hide
if you like it or not
then you'll have to
trust yourself
and don't believe in anymore lies

someday soon
and it won't be long
you'll ring the bell
but they'll all be gone
they took your jewels
and your statues too
left you with a pile of things
you never learned how to use
well here it comes again
you showed us where it all began
well here's where it ends
and you'll be alone
when the sun comes up
tattered little dreams
and a broken cup
then you'll have to trust yourself
and don't believe in anymore
trust yourself
and don't believe in anymore
trust yourself
and don't believe in anymore lies.